Criticism is a difficult thing for many people. It can be hard to receive, and depending on who's on the receiving end of the criticism, it can be tough to give.
Spending the better part of my 26 years in art classes, photography courses, and even a degree in advertising, critiques have been a major part of my life. Weekly critiques on paintings, photographs, and campaign ideas taught me to listen to other people's opinions, respect those opinions, and see what I could change or do differently next time. The critiques weren't always easy to sit through. One art teacher would very gently encourage me to be a bit bolder with my use of graphite pencils, one advertising professor used his Glaswegian flair by telling me an idea was "f*cking sh*te." Charming.
So I've developed an appreciation of the critique. Getting critiqued sits well with me. Giving the critique doesn't. Recently I've found myself at a particularly awkward crossroad. I have to give someone that I'm close to, a very harsh critique. One of my in-laws has driven Zak and myself to a state of hopelessness. Their presence is overbearing, their attitude rude, and their manners non-existent. Not every member of your family is going to be your favourite person, I know that. You can choose your friends, not your family. But after watching this person's behaviour become increasingly worse over the last few years, and a very stressful weekend with them, Zak and I have to say something.
It will be tasteful, we will let them know we're doing this out of love and not spite, but that doesn't make it any easier. This critique will be tough, for both parties. I just hope that in time it will produce a positive result.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What's In a Name?
Juliet to Romeo: What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.*
Zak and I are a good team. He's a great husband and I know I'm a great wife. I always know how to make him laugh. I can tell when a bad day at work means he needs a hug or that he needs some down time when he gets home. I cook him (from scratch) three meals a day at least six days of the week. These are some of the things that make our relationship better. But there's one area of being a wife that I've totally failed at, ever since saying "I do" fifteen months ago.
I'm yet to change my name.
Juliet said to Romeo that a name was just a name, it wasn't important. Who cared that she was a Capulet and he was a Montague? It was JUST A NAME. Well, Jules, I beg to differ.
There are a number of reasons, maybe even excuses, why I haven't done this yet. First off, I love my maiden name. It's nothing against his surname, but I love mine. I've known it and had it for nearly 27 years now, and I'm extremely proud of my family. It keeps me connected to my roots. I'm very proud to be English, and I have married and resided in Texas with a Texan. Our kids (if any) will be more Texan than English. So my brain has made the drastic jump to "last name of a Texan = no longer English." I know that's silly (I never promised my reasons would be logical). The third reason even trumps the validity of the second reason. I am actually STILL English, by every sense of the law. I'm not a U.S. citizen. This leads me to the third reason. Do you know how expensive it will be to change all of those documents just so I can add a name to it all? The answer is very. And I mean it when I say "add" a name and not "change." I originally thought that although it would be difficult to not have my maiden name be a part of my main identity anymore, I could always just make my maiden name my middle name (I don't have a middle name) and then take on the new surname. I was pleased with that idea, and was going to change my name within the first 6 months of marriage. Then somehing happened. My mother-in-law pointed out that we'd then have the same initials. And as flimsy as it is, it is this last reason that's truly prevented me from legally changing things up.
Zak's asked me that I change my name for his birthday present, which is a little over a month away. So it's time to do some serious thinking and make a choice: stick to what I've known for over two decades, or swallow my pride for the man I love.
* from Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
Zak and I are a good team. He's a great husband and I know I'm a great wife. I always know how to make him laugh. I can tell when a bad day at work means he needs a hug or that he needs some down time when he gets home. I cook him (from scratch) three meals a day at least six days of the week. These are some of the things that make our relationship better. But there's one area of being a wife that I've totally failed at, ever since saying "I do" fifteen months ago.
I'm yet to change my name.
Juliet said to Romeo that a name was just a name, it wasn't important. Who cared that she was a Capulet and he was a Montague? It was JUST A NAME. Well, Jules, I beg to differ.
There are a number of reasons, maybe even excuses, why I haven't done this yet. First off, I love my maiden name. It's nothing against his surname, but I love mine. I've known it and had it for nearly 27 years now, and I'm extremely proud of my family. It keeps me connected to my roots. I'm very proud to be English, and I have married and resided in Texas with a Texan. Our kids (if any) will be more Texan than English. So my brain has made the drastic jump to "last name of a Texan = no longer English." I know that's silly (I never promised my reasons would be logical). The third reason even trumps the validity of the second reason. I am actually STILL English, by every sense of the law. I'm not a U.S. citizen. This leads me to the third reason. Do you know how expensive it will be to change all of those documents just so I can add a name to it all? The answer is very. And I mean it when I say "add" a name and not "change." I originally thought that although it would be difficult to not have my maiden name be a part of my main identity anymore, I could always just make my maiden name my middle name (I don't have a middle name) and then take on the new surname. I was pleased with that idea, and was going to change my name within the first 6 months of marriage. Then somehing happened. My mother-in-law pointed out that we'd then have the same initials. And as flimsy as it is, it is this last reason that's truly prevented me from legally changing things up.
Zak's asked me that I change my name for his birthday present, which is a little over a month away. So it's time to do some serious thinking and make a choice: stick to what I've known for over two decades, or swallow my pride for the man I love.
* from Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
Friday, January 27, 2012
Dennis
Yesterday evening, while celebrating my big day with some prosecco, I reacquainted myself with an old friend. Dennis. That's what I've named my Canon 20D that I got nearly 6 years ago for my 21st birthday. For the longest time I didn't go anywhere without my camera and I was constantly inspired. Then life evolved and I had to put more focus on my future, and I ended up with less free time. So for the last two years my relationship with Dennis has suffered, and we only saw each other for special occassions.
So last night, feeling like I could do anything, I sat in the garden and took some pictures. I like to shoot with natural light and I don't like to edit my photos after taking them. I fell in love with the classic darkroom environment, the basics of photography, and never experimented past what nature gave me. When I lived in England I wanted to take pictures of everything: scenery, architecture, people....so much was so close to your doorstep. In Texas I feel I lack creativity. It's not that beautiful scenery, architecture, and people don't exist in Texas, it's just that it's all so much further away. So yesterday I stuck close to home, cranked up some Calvin Harris/Avicii/Deadmau5 on the outdoor surround sound, and took some pictures of the dogs, the prosecco, and even managed to get a self-portrait done. Here are the results:
So last night, feeling like I could do anything, I sat in the garden and took some pictures. I like to shoot with natural light and I don't like to edit my photos after taking them. I fell in love with the classic darkroom environment, the basics of photography, and never experimented past what nature gave me. When I lived in England I wanted to take pictures of everything: scenery, architecture, people....so much was so close to your doorstep. In Texas I feel I lack creativity. It's not that beautiful scenery, architecture, and people don't exist in Texas, it's just that it's all so much further away. So yesterday I stuck close to home, cranked up some Calvin Harris/Avicii/Deadmau5 on the outdoor surround sound, and took some pictures of the dogs, the prosecco, and even managed to get a self-portrait done. Here are the results:
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| Sheila, my baby girl |
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| Pandora, my little one, and Sheila |
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| Me |
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| Heaven in a glass |
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Like A Kid Who Snorted A Pixie Stick
Hurrah! BIG day! BIG news! I've done it! I've closed my first sale! I started my job 7 months ago and have been training up to this moment, learning about the industry I'm in, gaining technical knowledge, creating presentations, and now the title on my business card actually means something.
The sale was closed within my first ten minutes in the office today and as a result, the rest of the day's been a whirlwind. This isn't just my first sale in my current position, this is my first sale ever (apart from 2 years working in retail while in college). It's shown me that I am capable and professional, and I feel genuinely appreciated by my colleagues. My boss (semi-jokingly) dubbed me "star of the day" and (seriously) told that I handled the client and sale very well, and I even got a congratulatory email from the CEO in Oslo. I know I work for a small company so there aren't as many steps between me and the CEO, but I'm going to let myself feel proud of that email.
It's amazing what one achievement will do for your confidence. I've had to stop myself from practically skipping on my way to the water cooler or colleagues offices. Zak asked me how I felt after I told him and I blurted out "like a kid who's snorted a pixie stick!" It was the only thing that came to mind that described how excited and buzzed I felt. Suddenly I feel like I can achieve anything. My mind is running a mile a minute of all the things I've been wanting to learn or get back into but haven't allowed myself the confidence to actually do it. But now I don't feel that there's anything to hold me back. So watch this space, big things are coming....
The sale was closed within my first ten minutes in the office today and as a result, the rest of the day's been a whirlwind. This isn't just my first sale in my current position, this is my first sale ever (apart from 2 years working in retail while in college). It's shown me that I am capable and professional, and I feel genuinely appreciated by my colleagues. My boss (semi-jokingly) dubbed me "star of the day" and (seriously) told that I handled the client and sale very well, and I even got a congratulatory email from the CEO in Oslo. I know I work for a small company so there aren't as many steps between me and the CEO, but I'm going to let myself feel proud of that email.
It's amazing what one achievement will do for your confidence. I've had to stop myself from practically skipping on my way to the water cooler or colleagues offices. Zak asked me how I felt after I told him and I blurted out "like a kid who's snorted a pixie stick!" It was the only thing that came to mind that described how excited and buzzed I felt. Suddenly I feel like I can achieve anything. My mind is running a mile a minute of all the things I've been wanting to learn or get back into but haven't allowed myself the confidence to actually do it. But now I don't feel that there's anything to hold me back. So watch this space, big things are coming....
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
You Get What You Ask For
A couple of days ago I wrote a gloomy post about some gloomy weather. All I wanted was something in the weather to change, regardless of what it may be. Well, careful what you ask for. Today my part of Texas has seven weather warnings: a tornado watch, strong wind advisory, flash flood warning, two flood warnings, and two severe storm warnings. The rain is so hard you can barely see anything, the sky is as black as night, and the roar of the wind is chilling. The storms are coming from the west and cities that experienced this weather a few hours before us are at a stand still with flooded motorways and blown down trees and power lines. We had a power outage for a couple of hours in the middle of the night and I woke up with a start at the sound of the wind. But now the real storms have hit, the kind that show up as deep purple on the weather radar.
Now we've had worse weather here before, but we went through this just 16 days ago, and once in January is unusual for us. Twice is almost hard to believe. But the weather has caused the change on my mood that I was hoping for. No, I'm not happily skipping about that there could be houses and buildings damaged, people hurt. But this weather snapped me out of my winter blues funk as soon as I woke up at 2.30 this morning. This weather makes you alert; everybody's a little more cautious and almost compassionate. I've had a call from my mum asking me to let her know when I got to work safely and Zak is keeping in touch more than usual.
I have a vivid imagination, and so when something dark happens my mind can't help flickering over the idea of the worst. I've spent the morning worried about my mum if she tries to go out to any shops, and if our dogs Pandora and Sheila are okay at home alone (Pandora doesn't like storms very much. She looks around nervously from window to window. I'm trying to tell myself that she's curling up to big sister Sheila for support). Hell, I'm even wondering if the squirrels that live in our backgarden and constantly torment the dogs are okay.
On the flip side, this type of weather does make me a little happy. When not contemplating the potential dangers of this weather, I excitedly think about how when I get home I'm going to sit in front of the fireplace with a massive cup of tea and a good book, or have a long relaxing bath while the rain beats down on the window next to me, or watch one of my guilty pleasure films with a glass of good wine and a thick blanket. Knowing my luck, by the time I'm home from work today the sun will be back out. But until then, it's nice being out of the funk and having something else to think about.
Now we've had worse weather here before, but we went through this just 16 days ago, and once in January is unusual for us. Twice is almost hard to believe. But the weather has caused the change on my mood that I was hoping for. No, I'm not happily skipping about that there could be houses and buildings damaged, people hurt. But this weather snapped me out of my winter blues funk as soon as I woke up at 2.30 this morning. This weather makes you alert; everybody's a little more cautious and almost compassionate. I've had a call from my mum asking me to let her know when I got to work safely and Zak is keeping in touch more than usual.
I have a vivid imagination, and so when something dark happens my mind can't help flickering over the idea of the worst. I've spent the morning worried about my mum if she tries to go out to any shops, and if our dogs Pandora and Sheila are okay at home alone (Pandora doesn't like storms very much. She looks around nervously from window to window. I'm trying to tell myself that she's curling up to big sister Sheila for support). Hell, I'm even wondering if the squirrels that live in our backgarden and constantly torment the dogs are okay.
On the flip side, this type of weather does make me a little happy. When not contemplating the potential dangers of this weather, I excitedly think about how when I get home I'm going to sit in front of the fireplace with a massive cup of tea and a good book, or have a long relaxing bath while the rain beats down on the window next to me, or watch one of my guilty pleasure films with a glass of good wine and a thick blanket. Knowing my luck, by the time I'm home from work today the sun will be back out. But until then, it's nice being out of the funk and having something else to think about.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Winter Blues
The weather's been miserable for the last few days. Predominantly overcast, gusty winds, dark nights, and warm temperatures. Yep, it's winter in Texas. On the whole, Texan winters are wonderful. They're a healthy mix of cold days (some bordering on the freezing temps) and warm sunny days. Both are wonderful. You can remember how much you loved wearing your coat and your flip flops in the same week. It's a blessing, really.
But that doesn't stop Texas residents from feeling the "winter blues." This week I've seen more sullen looking faces than I have in the last month, from the woman at subway who looked at me as if I'd asked her to rob a bank when all I wanted was more lettuce to the tellers at the bank. People in general just seem a bit downcast. Maybe that's because the holidays are officially over, New Year's resolutions are starting to fail, or just the last few glum days we've been having that are giving people the "winter blues." And unfortunately, I am one of the sufferers.
I'm ready for something to change and I don't really care what for. Winter Blues can be brought on by any number of things. For me, it's been our warm and cloudy weather. I like the two extremes of a Texan winter. This blended weather doesn't suit me. My requests are quite simple. I'd like to be in a) shorts and a tank top sunbathing or working in the garden or b) in 50,000 layers of jumpers, socks, and all things cosy. And although it's trivial, the sluggish air is just enough to make everything else about my days feel slow. The forecast tells me the sun will come back out in a few days, so I just have to pull through the next 72 hours. Bring on the sunshine!
But that doesn't stop Texas residents from feeling the "winter blues." This week I've seen more sullen looking faces than I have in the last month, from the woman at subway who looked at me as if I'd asked her to rob a bank when all I wanted was more lettuce to the tellers at the bank. People in general just seem a bit downcast. Maybe that's because the holidays are officially over, New Year's resolutions are starting to fail, or just the last few glum days we've been having that are giving people the "winter blues." And unfortunately, I am one of the sufferers.
I'm ready for something to change and I don't really care what for. Winter Blues can be brought on by any number of things. For me, it's been our warm and cloudy weather. I like the two extremes of a Texan winter. This blended weather doesn't suit me. My requests are quite simple. I'd like to be in a) shorts and a tank top sunbathing or working in the garden or b) in 50,000 layers of jumpers, socks, and all things cosy. And although it's trivial, the sluggish air is just enough to make everything else about my days feel slow. The forecast tells me the sun will come back out in a few days, so I just have to pull through the next 72 hours. Bring on the sunshine!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A Bit of Fun
As my last post stated, a lot has changed in a very short amount of time in my life. I feel very fortunate that things have panned out this way, but I also know that I worked very hard for these accomplishments. I have a pretty solid routine wearing many hats: wife, mother (although it's just to the two dogs, one of them is only a year old and takes up a LOT of my time), homeowner, professional, etc... This is a part of life, we are never just one person playing a single role. Some of the time these roles we're given aren't through choice. Fortunately, I have chosen each of my roles, but that doesn't mean that I don't get overwhelmed every now and again.
The beginning of this week was one of those overwhelming moments, where everything seemed to get too much for me. Work was busy as usual, there was garden work piling up after having a drain installed last week, my little angel of a one year old Dachshund/Beagle decided on Monday to rip open two throw cushions and Tuesday to feast on the front end of an arm chair, bills were due, and with my usual duties, I felt that I was trapped in the movie "Groundhog Day."
But now, I have clarity and light at the end of the tunnel. Routine was broken yesterday. I got home a little earlier than usual, my soft furnishing-hungry mutt hadn't destroyed a thing, the Texas winter sunshine was still high enough in the sky so that our garden wasn't totally in the shade, and I did some gardening and played fetch with the dogs while blasting some guilty pleasure Kylie Minogue. I could feel my shoulders relax every time I threw the tennis ball, my chest loosen every time I sang to a song. Also with a friend coming over for dinner last minute, where I got to try a very delicious (and healthy!) chicken recipe, it didn't feel like your average Wednesday. Sometimes all it takes is doing something different to make the week feel more exciting or to escape your current stresses.
However, my excitement continues as tonight I'm doing something I haven't done since I was in college - I'm going out on a Thursday night. Now Zak and I have regular Thursday nights out where every other week we meet up with a bunch of friends at a pub or restaurant, but they're more of a happy hour social meeting. Tonight is to see Avicii, and I get the opportunity to get dressed up as if it were a Saturday, and the night won't end until 2.00 in the morning. I know it will hurt tomorrow as I drag into the office at 8 a.m., but it will be my badge of honour. I know a lot of people go out regularly on a Thursday and stay out this late, but I'm not one of those people. Come 9 a.m. tomorrow I'll be asking my coworkers if they want to go on a Starbucks run with me as I look for a severe jolt of caffeine. But that's tomorrow. For now, I can't wait to do the hair and make-up, slip into my party dress, and dance in the car all the way to the club. :)
It was taken last October, shortly after we moved into the house, but here's a picture of me with my two babies (the small one is the baby that's enjoying all the furniture. The other one just sleeps on it).
The beginning of this week was one of those overwhelming moments, where everything seemed to get too much for me. Work was busy as usual, there was garden work piling up after having a drain installed last week, my little angel of a one year old Dachshund/Beagle decided on Monday to rip open two throw cushions and Tuesday to feast on the front end of an arm chair, bills were due, and with my usual duties, I felt that I was trapped in the movie "Groundhog Day."
But now, I have clarity and light at the end of the tunnel. Routine was broken yesterday. I got home a little earlier than usual, my soft furnishing-hungry mutt hadn't destroyed a thing, the Texas winter sunshine was still high enough in the sky so that our garden wasn't totally in the shade, and I did some gardening and played fetch with the dogs while blasting some guilty pleasure Kylie Minogue. I could feel my shoulders relax every time I threw the tennis ball, my chest loosen every time I sang to a song. Also with a friend coming over for dinner last minute, where I got to try a very delicious (and healthy!) chicken recipe, it didn't feel like your average Wednesday. Sometimes all it takes is doing something different to make the week feel more exciting or to escape your current stresses.
However, my excitement continues as tonight I'm doing something I haven't done since I was in college - I'm going out on a Thursday night. Now Zak and I have regular Thursday nights out where every other week we meet up with a bunch of friends at a pub or restaurant, but they're more of a happy hour social meeting. Tonight is to see Avicii, and I get the opportunity to get dressed up as if it were a Saturday, and the night won't end until 2.00 in the morning. I know it will hurt tomorrow as I drag into the office at 8 a.m., but it will be my badge of honour. I know a lot of people go out regularly on a Thursday and stay out this late, but I'm not one of those people. Come 9 a.m. tomorrow I'll be asking my coworkers if they want to go on a Starbucks run with me as I look for a severe jolt of caffeine. But that's tomorrow. For now, I can't wait to do the hair and make-up, slip into my party dress, and dance in the car all the way to the club. :)
It was taken last October, shortly after we moved into the house, but here's a picture of me with my two babies (the small one is the baby that's enjoying all the furniture. The other one just sleeps on it).
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